I have been worrying about Colin since the day he was born. It started from the second he came home from the hospital. He had colic for 3 months, he cried every single day, every second he was awake. He started sleeping through the night at about 2 weeks old, but when he was awake he cried constantly. I remember looking back and thinking he was held for almost the entire 3 months, because if he would fall asleep we wouldn't move just so we didn't have to hear him screaming. At about 3 months we switched him from the dreaded Nutramigen formula to Soy and things got better. He stopped needing beach towels to catch the re flux after every bottle. We spent the next year having fun, he was fantastic. I remember these as the most relaxed time of my life. I wasn't working, my house was spotless. We would spend our days going to the zoo or driving an hour to go to a scrapbook store or to the Crayola Factory. When Colin was 15 months old things changed. He had his MMR shot and had his first serious fever. He started to change. He wouldn't let us change his diaper, he would get frustrated and throw his self on the ground and slam his head. It was very scary. I also was pregnant so I thought maybe he could sense the baby that wasn't even showing. At home Colin would play alone happily for hours. Playing with his dinosaurs, never needing Mommy (he was so independent). He would line matchbox cars across the entire family room. When things were going his way, things were good. Colin slept with us every single night. We tried to get him to sleep in his room. He started flipping out of his bed at about 15 months also, so we put him in his car bed ( not a great idea ). We would wake up in the middle of the night and find our 18 month old watching Disney movies in the middle of the night that he would put on by himself. For a while Colin had night terrors. He seemed awake but completely out of it and would just scream in horror. We decided it was because Daddy was watching reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. When Connor was born Colin was just over 2 years old. Colin was never jealous he didn't really care that I was spending so much time nursing and caring for a new born. He was so independent and smart. Colin was talking in sentences and learning and playing with his "Dowasaurs". I was at a party with good family friends one day and bragging about what a great big boy I had. Ed came later with Colin and it was a rare moment when other kids wanted to play with Colin. Colin did not like it, he didn't want the other kids touching the toys he had. He threw a fit. I was shocked, this wasn't the boy I knew.
Colin continued to get smarter and smarter. He knew everything you could possibly know about dinosaurs at 3 1/2 half. He was starting to move on to animals, big cats were his favorite. He was almost 4 years old (still not potty trained) I was having dinner with friends and my good friend Jen told me to look up Aspergers Syndrome. I did and that was it. Colin had Aspergers. I told everyone teachers, & doctors, everyone told me no he doesn't. Colin was 100% potty trained on his 4th birthday. He was a pretty great kid as long as things went his way. I learned early that we don't tell Colin anything we are planning. God forbid I tell him we are going to the mall and then something comes up. Sure any kid would be disappointed, but for Colin this was an earth shattering event in his life that was not easily fixed. In September Colin started preschool, what a year he cried everyday, EVERY DAY the entire year. My anxiety got worse and worse ( I left out the part where Colin almost drowned in my parents pool at 2 years old and I went in a tailspin that involved anti anxiety drugs) We moved from Hatfield to Southampton (which Colin still hasn't gotten over). I thought nothing could get worse then preschool. I was wrong.
Colin started kindergarten at Davis, his teacher was Mrs. Higgins ( Angel on Earth ) the year seems much better, but Mrs. Higgins went out on maternity leave ( Emily was born, who at 3 1/2 I started babysitting) Colin had a sub and things seemed to get worse. In May he was finally diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome & ADHD. Colin's 2nd year of Kindergarten in the full day program still may be the worst year of our lives. The teacher who we will not mention is a lot like me she seems to be a perfectionist and very stern. Although I expect perfection (at this point) I am in love with Colin so nothing could be that bad. Colin has NEVER been a behavior problem in school, he also has never had any educational concerns, however he has very high anxiety and strives for perfection (my fault). I never really was able to figure out what he did wrong every day but in a meeting with Colin's IEP team, his teacher said in front of me that he was the biggest challenge of her career??????? Are you kidding me? How could this be. I still to this day have no idea. He wanted her to like him, he tried so hard, he even told her he would name his first daughter after her. I had meeting where both her and I screamed at each other across the table. One time a student on the bus called Colin weird, I was devastated, the teacher told me "well everyone thinks he's weird". We made it through that year, Colin has expressed ever since he was out of the class that she was the worse teacher ever and when both of his brothers had her he cried and begged me not to put them through it. From 1st through 5th grade Colin was bullied by one kid in particular, he never really had any true friends. In the early years there were arranged play dates, there were tortured years of soccer. By third grade we gave up on sports. At that point he had 1 friend in 4th grade, that friends brother was in his class and Colin thought he had a safety net. Not so much that kid didn't really want to be his friend and found Colin to be a nuisance. That issue continues to be an ongoing problem because Colin desperately wants to be a part of this group. 3rd grade was brutal. 4th grade wasn't terrible, we still dealt with bullies and no friends but seemed to get through without to many emotional bruises. 5th GRADE we moved to a new school and sometime I may devote a blog to 5th grade, it was bad, bad , bad and ended terribly. Worst year for us both.
Middle school. Where we are today. 6th grade no friends. He has some riff raff he sits with at lunch and really wants to be accepted. He even said the "F" word to stand up for himself and gain acceptance. It is short lived, he watches the other kids outside of school spending time together. It hurts him. Just recently he went to play some form of freeze tag I forget the name. I can see him up the block playing and I am thrilled. He had fun. He later tells me when he came up and asked to play one of the kids said "Colin, why don't you just go home" and then the kids had a full discussion about whether or not he should play and then decided he could play, he was it and never able to catch anyone : (
After that event Colin was on his way to swimming with the gym class and someone pulled his bathing suit down in front of everyone. I flipped out the boys were suspended and are not allowed to change in the locker room anymore. It doesn't seem like enough. That is where we are today. I am going to a conference in a few weeks about kids entering puberty with an ASD. He has an appointment with an organization that he will get social skills through. I obviously left out so much but wanted to give some background on my sweet, beautiful boy that drives me to want to make wine : )
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