Light it up BLUE today. We are. I made t-shirts for myself and the kids this weekend, we have our blue porch light on. I was excited for blue day. I didn't imagine my entire life would feel blue. I sent Ed off to work today. It was very hard. I packed his renal friendly lunch and I put his medicine in a ziplock bag, and I want to sit next to him all day with his blood pressure cuff. I took a leave from work which seems weird since he is the one in kidney failure. I couldn't imagine him walking in the door and me walking out with dinner and dishes and possible homework needing to be finished. Living in our house is so stressful. It is unorganized, the boys don't help out and they really do leave a giant mess, all my fault. Having the baby and going to work 3 weeks later and then watching her and another new baby until her diagnosis at which time therapy started and for the last 3 years Ed being sooo lazy (little did I know he was in kidney failure) our house has gotten away from us and I am so overwhelmed, I don't know where to start. You wouldn't know by walking in to the house but please don't open any doors, especially the basement or the garage. I would like to have things organized and those boys in line before April 16th when I have to go back to work. The likelihood of that happening is 0%. 

This week we go to the Nephrologist at Abington and hopefully get some answers. I don't like waiting. When something happens like this I cry and ask God why and then I do everything I have to do to make things right. Waiting for someone else's schedule is very hard for me. I know I don't have a choice but I want so bad to get him a new kidney and get my Eddie back.